#so if you actually do want a little essay about a specific topic

[antiquitiesandlabyrinths]

Hapshepsut?

Oh, you guys are funny. I make a note in my post about the oddity of people coming into my inbox with a single word prompt and that I have no idea how to respond except with a handful of information about the prompt, and now it's a real thing? That's just what I'm supposed to do?

Well, I might as well do so.

The modern legacy of Hatshepsut is dominated entirely by her womanhood. It completely disregards all of her accomplishments as a great and wealthy Pharaoh presiding over a time of great prosperity for Egypt, and it also overlooks the political and cultural climate of the time, which is as confusing as it is complicated.

This is much longer than my previous go about Ramses I, so I'm putting it under a read more.

Hatshepsut's Beginnings

When the layman thinks of Hatshepsut, they will think that she is the first female ruler of Egypt. This is their first mistake. There were many regents of Egypt; mothers who ruled on behalf of their young sons, who were not yet old enough to fully claim the throne. Beyond that there was also the female King Sobekneferu (12th Dynasty), as well as two Queens very early on in Egyptian history who might've been Pharaohs in their own right; Neithhotep (Early 1st Dynasty) and Merneith (1st Dynasty), both named for the warrior Goddess Neith, who held considerable importance in early Egyptian history. Both of these Queens have inscriptions and monuments attesting to their rule, but due to a lack of complete concrete evidence, it is difficult to now say whether they were regents or Pharaohs. Sobekneferu, from the 12th dynasty, was the first woman to take on the full royal titulary, assuming the position and title of Pharaoh completely. While her existence and rule is fully affirmed, there is little evidence left in the way of her accomplishments, as she ruled as the last Pharaoh of the 12th dynasty.

Khnumetamun Hatshepsut herself was born in 1507 BC to the Pharaoh Thutmose I and his Great Royal Wife, Ahmose. Her name, meaning 'Foremost of the Noble Women' was suiting to her––later in life she would be married to another one of her father's sons, Thutmose II, who was birthed of a secondary wife named Mutnofret. She was married before the age of 20 and assumed the highest standing title a woman could gain at the time; the God's Wife of Amun, giving her more power than even a Queen could achieve. To understand the importance of Hatshepsut even at this time, we must understand what it was to be the God's Wife of Amun. And remember, all this power and prestige is before she ever even became regent to her husband's son.

The God's Wife of Amun was a position held in Thebes, modern-day Luxor, and called Waset in ancient times. The title originates from the Middle Kingdom, and at that time, it was merely an honorific title for a noble woman who assisted the High Priest of Amun at Karnak Temple in his duties. By the New Kingdom, which was Hatshepsut's time, the God's Wife of Amun was powerful enough to influence policy and held considerable power and prestige, the peak of which was reached in the 3rd Intermediate Period, when a God's Wife of Amun ruled over Upper Egypt. The typical duties of a God's Wife of Amun were that of a high priest, and she would essentially be the female counterpart of the high priest of Amun, and took on many of his responsibilities alongside him. But the rewards for it were also plenty: "tax-exempt land, housing, food, clothing, gold, silver, and copper, male and female servants, wigs, ointment, cosmetics, livestock, and oil." (God's Wife of Amun, World History Encyclopedia, Joshua J. Mark) She would preside over the festivals of Amun and would be considered His consort, making her a divine being.

So this was Hatshepsut's position which was gifted upon her around the same time she was married to her half-brother, Thutmose II. Together they had a daughter whose name is Neferu-Ra, but this was their only child. The only viable heir to the throne after Thutmose II would have to be a son, which only came about through Thutmose II's lesser wife, Isis, who birthed Thutmose III. But Thutmose II, Hatshepsut's husband, died relatively soon after Thutmose III came to be, and so Thutmose III, the young son, could not fully be given the throne. Instead, Hatshepsut was made regent, and assumed all duties of state and Pharaoh while Thutmose III was growing up.

Proclaiming Herself Pharaoh

It was in the 7th year of her regency that the well-known history occurred. Hatshepsut crowned herself sole Pharaoh of Egypt. She assumed all royal titularies, titles, and names befitting a Pharaoh, but inscribed all of these using feminine forms. She passed down her title of God's Wife of Amun to her daughter, Neferu-Ra, and had her married to Thutmose III, likely in an attempt to consolidate power, and began to carve images of herself as a male Pharaoh.

I have commented on Hatshepsut before because some people like to claim that Hatshepsut is the world's first transgender person. This is incorrect. If she had wanted to represent as male, she would've gone about it differently, and to begin with, she would've changed her name. As I stated earlier, her name means "Foremost of the Noble Women"; this is a female name, and it would've been obvious to any Egyptian of the time that this was a woman. Instead, her representation as a male was to ensure the people knew she was not a Queen, but a full-fledged Pharaoh. And as I mentioned just previously, all her names and titles used feminine grammatical forms.

She is a complicated character, and one that will likely never be fully understood. But one certain thing about Hatshepsut was that she was smart. By marrying her daughter to the 'King' Thutmose III, she created a safety net for herself; if she was removed from the throne and Thutmose III was crowned, then she would still hold considerable power as the mother-in-law of the Pharaoh. She further legitimized her rule as Pharaoh by proclaiming that she was not just Amun's ritual wife, but His daughter, as well.

In the carvings and paintings in Hatshepsut's mortuary temple at Deir el-Bahari, Hatshepsut tells the story of how Amun appeared to her mother, Ahmose, in the form of Thutmose I, her father.

"He [Amun] in the incarnation of the Majesty of her husband, the King of Upper and Lower Egypt, [Thutmose I] found her sleeping in the beauty of her palace. She awoke at the divine fragrance and turned towards his Majesty. He went to her immediately, he was aroused by her he imposed his desire upon her. He allowed her to see him in his form of a god and she rejoiced at the sight of his beauty after he had come before her. His love passed into her body. The palace was flooded with divine fragrance." (van de Mieroop, 173)

This interaction made Hatshepsut a demi-God. But this was also not enough; she made claims that Thutmose I, her father, made her a co-ruler with him.

"Then his majesty said to them: "This daughter of mine, Khnumetamun Hatshepsut—may she live!—I have appointed as my successor upon my throne... she shall direct the people in every sphere of the palace; it is she indeed who shall lead you. Obey her words, unite yourselves at her command."" (Seawright, Caroline (6 November 2000). "Hatshepsut: Female Pharaoh of Egypt")

She claimed that Amun had sent an oracle foretelling of her rise to power.

"Welcome my sweet daughter, my favorite, the King of Upper and Lower Egypt, Maatkare, Hatshepsut. Thou art the Pharaoh, taking possession of the Two Lands." (Breasted, James Henry (1906). Ockerbloom, John Mark (ed.). Ancient Records of Egypt: Historical Documents from the Earliest Times to the Persian Conquest)

She also represented herself as the direct successor of the Pharaoh Ahmose I, who started the 18th Dynasty.

That last bit may seem unimportant if you do not know the history behind Ahmose I. Ahmose I came about during the 2nd Intermediate Period, a time in which Egypt was split into three sections. Lower Egypt, the delta, which is to the north, was ruled by foreigners––the Hyksos, who were much despised by the native Egyptians, who ruled only a section of Egypt from Thebes. Then far the south, the Nubians ruled their own section of Egypt. What's important here, however, is the Hyksos rule. The Hyksos were commonly referred to as the Asiatics, and likely originated from the Levant, referring to themselves with Western Semitic names. They were seen as cruel and oppressive rulers, and while this was likely far from the truth, when we concern ourselves with the cultural standpoint of 18th Dynasty Egyptians, we only need to understand their viewpoint and opinion of the Hyksos. Ahmose I, ruler of Thebes, successfully drove out the hated Hyksos from Egypt, and reinstated Theban rule over the delta in Lower Egypt. These actions made him a much-beloved figure in the eyes of the ancient Egyptians, and this is why Hatshepsut proclaiming herself as a direct successor of Ahmose I was a smart move––she correlated herself with freedom from oppression and a somewhat legendary figure, who had ruled over Egypt some 80 years previous to her.

Actions As Pharaoh

Consolidating her rule, gaining power, and ensuring that power would stay were not the only things she accomplished, even if that is what most people recognize her for. She also completed a staggering amount of construction projects for temples, protected the borders of Egypt, led military expeditions into Syria and Nubia, and a rich trading expedition to the mythical land of Punt, which is presumed to be somewhere in modern-day Somalia. She was in control of a massive amount of wealth, without which it would not have been possible to assume so many building projects.

"Hatshepsut was able to exploit the wealth of Egypt's natural resources, as well as those of Nubia. Gold flowed in from the eastern deserts and the south: the precious stone quarries were in operation, Bebel el-Silsila began to be worked in earnest for sandstone, cedar was imported from the Levant, and ebony came from Africa." (Betsy M. Bryan, Shaw, 229-231)

Inscriptions at her mortuary temple in Deir el-Bahari go into detail about her expedition to Punt, as well, describing an immense amount of wealth.

"The loading of the ships very heavily with marvels of the country of Punt; all goodly fragant woods of God's Land, heaps of myrrh-resin, with fresh myrrh trees, with ebony and pure ivory, with green gold of Emu, with cinnamon wood, Khesyt wood, with Ihmut-incense, sonter-incense, eye cosmetic, with apes, monkeys, dogs, and with skins of the southern panther. Never was brought the like of this for any king who has been since the beginning." (Lewis, 116)

Her temple was such an immense work of art that it is considered by many to be one of the finest temples in Egypt, whose craftsmanship exceeded any Pharaoh before her and was only ever matched by Ramses the Great (Ramses II). She built throughout the country to such an extent that there are very few museums who concern themself with Egyptian history who do not have a piece of Hatshepsut's work. She added tremendously to the complex of Karnak at Thebes for the glory of Amun, and erected two giant obelisks there, alongside many other obelisks raised in other parts of the country. The Karnak complex is made up of three different precincts; the precinct of Amun, the precinct of Montu, and the precinct of Mut. The precinct of Mut had been ravaged during the Hyksos rule, and so Hatshepsut rebuilt and restored Mut's great temple in Thebes, once again honoring the Gods with her wealth.

Overall, she was an immensely successful Pharaoh. She added to the great temples of Egypt and built new temples, simultaneously giving honor to the Gods and employing the people. In these temples she performed rituals and rites traditionally reserved for the Pharaoh, which further confirmed her power and status reigning as a male Pharaoh. She led conquesting military campaigns into Syria and Nubia, protected the borders of Egypt from foreigners, conducted highly successful and bountiful trades with the people of Punt, who were highly rich in gold, and built one of the most beautiful and iconic mortuary temples known today, influencing the location of the future Valley of the Kings.

Death of Hatshepsut

Hatshepsut's death is unfortunately not well understood. Her body was moved several times due to complications with lineage, burial, and the right to the throne. There is a mummy that is proposed to be Hatshepsut. This mummy has a missing tooth in her jaw, and Egyptologists are in possession of one of Hatshepsut's teeth, found in one of her canopic jars. The empty space and the tooth fit perfectly together, so it is proposed that this mummy is Hatshepsut. However, later on, the tooth was identified to be a molar from the lower jaw, whereas the missing tooth from the mummy is in the upper jaw. There is a lot more to this than I am writing about; this is the simplified version because there's a lot of scientific know-how one needs to fully understand the complications of trying to identify a nameless and displaced mummy.

If this mummy is Hatshepsut, then Hatshepsut died from bone cancer. Queens in the family of Hatshepsut are known to have had genetic skin irritation, and the lotions used by the Pharaoh were a carcinogenic, benzopyrene skin lotion, meaning that over time, as Hatshepsut attempted to soothe her irritated skin, she would've been giving herself cancer. Alongside that, she also had bad teeth, which is why one tooth is gone from her jaw––it was removed, and later caused an abscess, which may have also contributed to her death.

Removal from History

Eventually, as we all know, Hatshepsut was stricken from the record. Her names were carved out, smoothed over, or replaced with the names of her step-son, Thutmose III, who took over as Pharaoh when Hatshepsut passed into the west. Many images and statues of her were dismantled, destroyed and buried, and there was an attempt to wall up her monument at Karnak. The majority of this historical re-writing took place at the end of Thutmose III's reign, when he was co-reigning with his son, Amenhotep II.

It is not entirely clear why this was done, but there are several theories, and I find it likely that they were all true in some way, and all contributed to the defacing of Hatshepsut's legacy. For one, rule of Egypt is a traditionally male role, as is shown in the first king Osiris and His wife, Isis, who were mythologically the first to rule over Egypt. Egypt was very dependent on the idea of Ma'at, which represents truth, justice, and most importantly, balance. Having a female Pharaoh was an upset of the balance and an upset of tradition, so it might've been seen as prudent to erase Hatshepsut's memory of female rule. Another factor is that the reusing of monuments was a common and popular practice of Pharaohs; they would take the already-built monuments of previous Pharaohs and inscribe their own names in them, claiming they were built by them. This saved money and resources. The last factor that I would consider a prime reason would be Thutmose III's son, Amenhotep II.

Amenhotep II had a very shaky claim to the throne. He was not the son of the Great Royal Wife; instead, he was the son of a lesser wife, Merytre-Hatshepsut. Amenhotep II was also not the eldest son. The eldest son of Thutmose III was born of the Great Royal Wife Satiah, and his name was Amenemhat. But both Satiah and Amenemhat died, and so Amenhotep II was who Thutmose III resorted to when it came to passing on the throne. Amenhotep II, who was insecure in his claims to the throne, usurped many of the accomplishments, deeds, and monuments of Hatshepsut. He neglected to record the names of his Queens, and he eliminated the giving of power to women, erasing the titles of the Gods Wife of Amun, and other such positions which had the chance to give any power to women. In my opinion, truly an unpleasant man. But fortunately these titles were restored by his son Thutmose IV, and we are not here to talk about Amenhotep II.

Overview

Hatshepsut was a great Pharaoh who accomplished great things and presided over an incredibly prosperous time in Egyptian history. This is likely why her name was stricken from the record and the name of Sobekneferu, the previous Queen-Pharaoh, was not. Sobekneferu presided over a time of chaos, so it was not important to remove her, as her rule could stand as an example as to why it was against Ma'at for a female to rule as Pharaoh. But Hatshepsut was extremely successful, and for that, she was removed. She built great monuments, added to the prosperity and health of the people, honored the Gods, and was one of the most powerful Pharaohs in Egyptian history. We will likely never know why she did all of this; why she was dissatisfied with her position as the God's Wife of Amun, why she proclaimed herself Pharaoh over her husband's son. But nothing bad seemed to ever come from her reign, and she is now remembered as one of the most iconic figures in ancient Egyptian history.

[malusokay]

Haiii !! I'm obsessed with your blog. Do you have any tips for staying motivated? I wanna better my life and I have all the resources to do so. it's just motivation that's the problem 😓😓

surround yourself with inspiration.

for me, my friends are one of my biggest motivations—having people around who inspire and encourage you to grow is everything.

it’s not just about support; it’s about energy. being in a circle of people who push you, directly or indirectly, to be better is so important.

don’t lose sight of your goals.

always keep in mind what you’re working for, whether it’s an academic milestone or something personal. knowing your “why” makes the process so much easier.

when you have a clear picture of what you’re striving for, working hard feels purposeful instead of just tiring.

set HUGE goals, and then work backwards.

start with the biggest, boldest goal, then break it down into smaller, manageable steps that fill the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

here’s what I mean: let’s say you’re in high school, and your ultimate goal is Cambridge.

you now → finishing an essay → getting a specific grade → finding balance → acing exams → writing your personal statement → Cambridge.

this is a very vague example, but the idea is to create a roadmap where every step feels doable—and every step brings you closer. you guys get my point hahaha

find balance to avoid burnout.

I’m a total workaholic, and spending time on things that don’t align with my main goals usually makes me feel horrible. but balance is non-negotiable.

for me, balance means baking with my friends, diving into hobbies that challenge me outside of academia, reading something complex but unrelated to my studies, or creating content like this to inspire others.

whatever it looks like for you, find something that lets you reset and recharge.

visualise, but don’t let it become procrastination.

I’m all for making Pinterest boards and visualising your dream life and I highly recommend doing it because it ties into the whole “don’t lose sight of your goals” idea.

BUT: overplanning can become its own trap. making endless lists, moodboards, or ideas without ever starting the actual work is just procrastination in a prettier outfit.

so yes, make your Pinterest board, set your goals, but don’t stop there. Start taking action, even if it’s just one small step today.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you the very best on your journey, if you (or anyone else hahah) have more questions regarding this, just let me know, and we can dive into this topic a little deeper. <3

my insta @ malusokay

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Tips For Kids Starting College

Intro classes have more homework and studying, higher level classes have more essays or projects.

Don't be someone you're not. Don't act in a way you feel like you have to act because that's the "Character" people know. College is full of people who speak your freak. Be the person you want to be and like will attract like.

If you have issues with your roommate, just be open about it. Don't bottle it up, or you'll explode sooner or later.

Come up with a "safe word" for your dorm room that you and your roommate can discreetly use to be like "Hey, I don't like this situation, can something please change". My roommate and I used "Cinnamon". If one of us had guests over the other found annoying or we wanted to sleep or whatever, we'd just work the word in. "Do we still have cinnamon toast crunch left?" And the other would just be like "Hey, let's move to the lounge!"

Take dumb classes. My uni had a whole course built around vampires in medieval literature spanning various countries. Dumb classes are a treat.

If you want to study abroad, look at your Uni page and also the page of the Uni you want to study at. Applying directly to the Uni overseas for a program can save massive money. My study abroad at Yonsei in South Korea would have been $15k, but it was $0.00 and they paid ME to come over(even paid back the airfare). The Unis already had credit share agreements, so it was simple and easy.

Do not say "I'm technically a sophomore because of AP credits." You will immediately see eyes rolling. Everyone has AP credits, chill.

Most textbooks are available in the library, and a hand scanner is cheaper than actually buying the books.

Chat with your advisor. Don't just ignore them until there is a problem, visit them once a semester just to make sure you don't get any surprises. Just a little "How am I doing?" Let them know your goals and career goals and they can recommend stuff.

If you're struggling, reach out to your professor. In my experience, they're usually really willing to chat and have a lot of advice on how to handle stuff you're not clear about. Topics or elements of the lectures- these are people who are passionate about the topic, they will be willing to chat if you say specifically what you're struggling with (don't just hit them with "I don't get it").

[renthony]

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Always Watch the Background Actors: How Learning Stage Combat Improved My Moviegoing Experience

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Worldbuilding: Avoiding the Planet of Hats Trope

Worldbuilding: Utilizing Elements of Culture

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These are the big topics that will require research, citations, and several long weeks of work. I can write as much on the topic as you want, but it must be at least 5,000 words. You can also request any of the prompts from the 500 word or 3k word prompt lists for more robust essays on the topic.

Killing the Cat: Violence Against the Vulnerable as Sloppy Narrative Shorthand

It Wasn't a Damn Door: Why Jack Dawson Had to Die

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[pippin-katz]

The 5 specific details of Red, White & Royal Blue spicy scenes that make me, a demisexual, feel: 🦋🫣🦋

(not ranked in any order)

I need to write an essay about this because I want to see if I'm not the only ace-spectrum person out there that has this weird- I don't want to say "exception", but that's the only word that comes to mind- when it comes to characters. But that's a topic for another post lmfao

No. 1 - Henry shoving Alex onto the couch:

Could you tell by how I keep bringing it up and using gifs of it in my essays?

Henry being confident suits him, even if we don't get too see it much. I love how Alex's smile drops because of how surprised and shocked he is by the action.

My stomach does a flip whenever I watch this clip lmfao

No. 2 - Alex tilting his head back with these expressions when Henry starts kissing his neck:

Look, I am not immune to an attractive human, being attractive; it's men like Taylor (and Nick) that keep me from being a lesbian lmfao

No. 3 - this:

I don't think I need to say anything; this feels like it should be illegal. The fact that you know when Henry actually starts *clears throat* doing what he's doing, because you can see Alex's eyes roll underneath his eyelids. Like... what the fuck Taylor? Was that really necessary??

No. 4 - Alex pushing against Henry so hard that he ends up lifting him onto the table:

Then he continues to hold his leg and pull him back towards him. It's Alex's only real moment of leading an interaction. He's controlling where they go here; Henry is going/staying where he wants him.

No. 5 - Alex's movements & Henry's facial expressions:

This whole scene was shot/filmed/edited so well. It shows everything without even showing anything. It's also very clearly "making love" rather than "having sex". It's soft and slow, and it's so clear that they truly cherish each other in every way.

All you see is Alex's body rolling, and that's all you need to see. Then you add in Henry's expressions that show how good he feels, but in a genuine-feeling manner.

They didn't need to show anymore than this for the viewer to understand what they're doing. There's no cut to Alex's hips to "show the action" or whatever. Henry's faces aren't unrealistic or pornographic. Neither of them are portraying over-the-top pleasure that feels like it was filmed just for the audience to get their kicks.

It feels genuine, and emotionally intimate as well as physically. It makes my little demisexual heart ache, and butterflies fly around in my stomach lol

Okay that's all! There won't be a part 2 cause there's nothing to put on it, and that's kinda the point of this post lol

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[lucy90712]

Buff- Gavi

For the last few months Pablo has been working really hard in the gym pretty much since the day he was allowed to do more he has been working on his strength. We have a gym set up at home and every morning Pablo gets up and works out before he has to go and do his specific training at the training centre. Some mornings I'll join him but I never work out properly as I just end up staring at him as his muscles flex while he lifts weights. For the last few weeks I haven't been working out with Pablo as I've been back at uni so I have classes in the morning and on the weekends I have essays to write. I know he likes when we workout together but I've just been too busy in the mornings but I promised him this weekend that I'd join him on a run. 

Today however is Friday and luckily it's my day with the least amount of classes I have two but I'm done by 2 which is better than 5 or 6pm. I have a break between my classes so I used that time to get some assignments done so I have a free weekend. Once I'd finished my work I decided to give myself a break and just scroll through social media but I nearly dropped my phone when I opened Instagram. The first thing on my feed was a video of Pablo from training and my god did he look good his arms were huge and he wasn't even flexing he was just walking. I know he's been working hard but I haven't noticed just how much it's been paying off until right now. Of course I loved the way he looked before but my god does he look amazing now I feel like if anyone saw me right now I'd have literal heart eyes after seeing that video. 

Trying to focus in my next class was near impossible all I could think about was Pablo and getting home to him so I could see his arms in person. Usually this is my favourite class and I spend the whole time writing notes but today when I left all I had written was the date and the topic of the lecture so I'll have to look back at what was actually said another day right now though I just want to get home. I never drive to uni as it's just a nightmare to park but the bus has never felt slower than it does right now and I wish I'd driven here. 

When I finally made it to the house after a long bus journey and a walk I saw that his car was already back in the driveway which is exactly a what I wanted to see. As soon as I opened the door I heard Pablo get up and make his way towards the door, to my delight he had a sleeveless shirt on so I could see his arms for myself. He came towards me looking for attention but my hands went straight to his arms to feel them. They even felt different I could feel the muscles tensing under my touch which was honestly fascinating as before Pablo wasn't the most muscular guy he was strong but never to this extent. 

"What are you doing?" He asked 

"Just enjoying your muscles I saw you in training today and your arms looked so good" I said 

"Thank you" he said getting a little shy 

"Seriously when did you get this muscular you look so hot I couldn't focus in class as I was thinking about how good my boyfriend looks" I said 

"I'm glad you like them" Pablo said getting even more shy as he doesn't know how to react to compliments 

He let me enjoy his arms for a bit longer before he took hold of my hands and pulled me into a hug. The next thing I knew he'd picked me up and carried me to the sofa so we could cuddle because as much as he doesn't know how to respond to compliments he is definitely very affectionate. We talked about our days he told me about training and how much he's enjoying finally being back with the other guys and I told him about my classes all while he played with my hair and I watched his arms while I was talking. 

We chilled for a while before Pablo suggested we go for a swim in the pool as it's really hot outside and because I was sweating just sitting down I agreed. He got ready much quicker than I did as I had to tie my swimsuit on and put my hair up so it doesn't get too wet as I just washed it. When I made it back downstairs Pablo was leaning on the edge of the pool waiting for me the way he was leaning really made his biceps pop. This man is definitely going to be the death of me he just looks so good and the way he was looking at me nearly made me melt. I joined him by sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water, Pablo then moved to lean his arms on my legs while he just smiled up at me. His smile started out sweet but then he had that mischievous grin on his face which is never a good thing it only ever means he has a plan that he knows I'm going to disapprove of. 

His little plan quickly became clear when his arms went around my waist and pulled me into the pool. He was nice enough to not let me get my hair wet but I still got water in my eyes because I wasn't ready to go underwater. When I recovered and could see again Pablo had hold of me to keep me out the water so I wrapped my legs around him so he couldn't dunk me in the water again at least not without going underwater himself. This didn't last long though as Pablo started to tickle me which made me let go of my grip on him which allowed him to pick me up and throw me in the water over and over. I would've shouted at him for doing that but I actually had a lot of fun and every time I was out of the water I could hear him laughing which made getting my hair wet a lot better. Eventually he stopped and held me to his chest so I could get my breath back. 

"Are you just trying to show off how strong you are now" I joked 

"Well you liked my arms so much I thought I'd show you what I can do now" he said 

"In that case I'm very impressed maybe I'll have to join you in the gym just to watch you get even stronger" I said 

"You do that anyway" he fired back 

"Hey I work out too" I said 

"Be honest you do the bare minimum to look busy thinking I don't see you staring" he said 

"Ok you're right but can you blame me the view is always great" I said 

"My view is pretty great too when you do squats" he teased 

"You stare at me when I do squats?" I asked 

"Of course how can I not I also stare at your pretty face when you stretch on the floor I just like to take in what's mine" he said 

"Aren't you the cutest I like to look at your pretty face too" I said 

That's when he got all shy again so to deflect the attention off of him he pushed me against the side of the pool and kissed me. If complimenting him is going to get me cuddles and kisses like this I might just have to do it more often.  

[shamebats]

Genuine question as someone female with gender dysphoria: How do you feel about the argument that trans identification is an expression of self-infantilization I've consumed a lot of radical feminist/gender critical material on the topic and I want to hear it from the opposing view. What I've read suggests as follows:

Only children have bodies without secondary sex characteristics; a desire to have a body which doesn't reflect your adult sexual development is a childish desire to escape adulthood

A lot of female transgender people love things like cartoons, anime and video games for children

Many of the same people also reject being called "women" and prefer terms like enby or boy, which are childish-sounding or usually only applied to children

A lot of transgender people, especially on Tumblr, can't drive, don't work, don't have sex and don't want to have children

Reading this has demoralized me a lot; I'm very proud of being an adult, I'm happy being employed and living a life that would be unthinkable to a child, I don't want to have an identity which will essentially turn me back into a child again, so this has definitely put me off trans identity. I wanted to seek a second perspective and you're pretty vocally pro-trans. I promise this isn't a troll ask- I do have radfem/GC beliefs but I'm open to other opinions. Thank you!

I have no idea what you're talking about. That's genuinely so much generalizing.

Darling, I'm on testosterone specifically to get hairier, more muscular and look older/my age for a man, the exact opposite of what you're describing, that's what testosterone does. I'm nearing 30, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18 and have been working for about as long too, I have a career and a partner of 11 years who I'm getting married to next year. So I have absolutely no idea why you think that description of transness would fit my experience in any way? Except for maybe the no driving part which... babes, some of us live in these cool places called ✨ cities ✨.

Your stereotype is basically just your judgemental description of someone who might be unable to work, young and literally just asexual. Those are all perfectly fine ways of being and yes, some people on Tumblr will fit that description and logically, some of them will be trans/non-binary.

Some people want to have few to no secondary sexual characteristics, but that's not the most common trans experience, not at all? It's actually more common to just be fine with what nature gave you, especially for non-binary people.

You made up a strawman of a trans person you're inclined to feel angry about because of bigoted views you hold. Which makes you come off like a judgemental, mean person.

You know what being a mature adult means for me? Being capable of minding your own business and keeping inside thoughts on the inside, where they belong.

Most mature adults do not, in fact, spend as much time debating fictional teenagers in their heads as you seem to be.

It's so embarrassing for you, but don't worry, you can work on that! You can start by examining why that little made up trans person in your head is making you leave short essays in random people's asks about how displeased you are about how they're choosing to live their imaginary little life and what this obsession of yours says about you.

[pawberri]

This may be odd, but as a kinky individual who is constantly curious on other kinks, and others opinions/values, how do you feel about fauxcest?

I’m not into it personally, but I like hearing other people’s opinions on any and all kinks. I’ve been seeing it on the tl some recently and I’m not too sure how I should feel.

Incest tw

Its a nuanced question that basically entirely depends on context to me... like I respect it as a kink between adults, your private sex life isn't anyones business and if you're being a responsible & looking after u and ur partner thats fine. Afaik most therapist support that it can be therapeutic for survivors. I am even in theory fine with people like running blogs where they talk about it if they moderate it and such. But I think making art about it (even or especially horny art) is like supremely difficult to do well at best. It takes a lot of thought and care. Which is why I find it un-ideal that it's so popular with really reactionary people who hate tagging and trigger warning and believing art has implications and stuff. This also is inconvenient for me as someone who gets PTSD from like specifically online incest content lol

But it does feel like it's 50 different topics with a lot of different outcomes... like there's trans girl survivors coping and doing their best to be responsible or just making slight mistakes and getting the brunt of online hate VS like 4channers who straight up make memes mocking the idea of having a little sister who hates being abused and collectively egg each other on to become fucking Kaliacc nazi groomers VS the mainstream porn that's not interested in abuse as a real thing or a real issue and just wants a cheap thrill VS joseimuke gacha games baiting sibling couples for fujoshi money harder than other ships but also not gafing abt abuse VS people calling hot people mommy or daddy . All of these warrant their own essays to me because they're all communicating completely different things

Basically I'm glad we're transitioning into an era where the people who like it actually think about it and the implications of it unlike when I was a kid where the norm in fandom was just to introduce kids to random incest ships and not gaf about anything ever . Please please please warn for it tho. Why is it the thing people get mad at u for asking to warn 😭💔

[putschki1969]

Hi Putschki, how are you doing? I was glad to read your post about the concert you attended, it looked fun and the photos you took were so pretty! I have a question for you today that is a little nosy, so don't mind not answering if you don't want to. Have Kalafina ever mentioned the lgbt community/rights? Different Japanese artists have begun to talk about certain issues in the last years, a lot more compared to the past, and I was wondering if they've ever said anything about it 🌈

Hello there!!

I am good, thank you😊

As for your question, don't worry, it's fine. It's just a little complicated to write a comprehensive answer since there's some ambiguity involved.

Generally speaking, I would say, no, they have not really mentioned anything specific regarding the LGBT community/rights. During the Kalafina days, their public image was very well-curated so everything was rather restrained and maybe even a little conservative. Not in a particularly strict manner but there was certainly never any mention of political or social issues or really anything that could be misconstrued in a negative or problematic manner.

Occasionally, they have mentioned things in passing on a superficial level regarding overarching concepts such as same-sex attraction but I don't recall them ever explicitly talking or posting about LGBT issues. While they have a lot more freedom as solo artists (at least Keiko and Hikaru), I also don't remember them ever addressing such topics in recent years. Please keep in mind though that I regularly miss Hikaru's Wednesday broadcasts and I've only recently become a member of Keiko's Yodel app service so it's impossible for me to provide a definitive answer to your question.

I would also be curious to know what those other Japanese artists supposedly talk about... I am not really familiar with Japanese artists aside from Kalafina so I don't know in which capacity they talk about the LGBT community/rights. Is this something they do because of personal interest or is it more along the lines of performative virtue signalling to follow trends? I feel like with celebrities and other people in the public eye it's probably the latter so it's not something I would necessarily want our girls to do. Other people might feel differently about this but I am not a fan of all this performative stuff which has sadly become a common occurrence in today's social media world. If you ask me, it comes across as super disingenuous. I don't need anyone to talk about any issue just because it is a hot topic at the moment.

If it is indeed a matter of personal interest, then yeah, I am all for it and I wouldn't mind if the girls did that. I believe the Japanese Netflix show "The Boyfriend" was a solid step in the right direction of a more authentic representation and examination of selected issues but it still remained quite easy to digest/surface-level (so there's room for improvement).

On that note, I would like to come back to something I mentioned earlier. This is where the "complicated/ambiguous" comes in. Not sure if you are aware of this but since the beginning of time, there have been many rumours of Keiko being a more or less closeted lesbian. Obviously, nothing has ever been confirmed and as a general rule, I do not encourage speculations but there's no denying that there have been countless situations throughout the years where one could easily put two and two together in order to draw some conclusions. I have actually written a long essay on Keiko's rumoured homosexuality so feel free to check it out! While I personally don't feel comfortable labeling anyone as anything, I am not at all surprised that so many people are indulging in this sort of speculation. So yeah, there has not really been any specific talk about the LGBT community but I would say all the hints Keiko has been dropping certainly qualify as something....?

[burningvelvet]

I finished Moby Dick. So, to continue my former post(s) documenting my thoughts, here we are (spoilers ahead):

captain ahab: i am once again asking hast thou seen the white whale

Narrator, for the 5 millionth time describing captain ahab: "MONOMANIACAL. MONOMANIAC. MONOMANIA."

I was thinking "the homosexual themes everyone talks about are really exaggerated apparently…" and then I got to the chapter about sperm squeezing

Stubb meeting with the French in chap 91 had the exact vibe of a filler episode on a comedy sitcom

there are a lot of moments that reminded me of The Office ngl like i could just imagine stubb in the little interview chair just talking. so much meme material. he's seriously just doing his own thing. the little random characters like the blacksmith and carpenter just talking shit and side-eyeing ahab in the background lmaoooo

Saint George didn't kill a dragon, it was a whale #THETRUTHREVEALED #WHALETRUTHERS

It would have been hilarious if the British people told Ahab that they already killed Moby Dick already before he could get to it. I was so hoping that would happen. Bonus points if it was the Rachel after he'd turned them away.

Ahab discusses the topic of madness a lot. It's almost like he's… mad...

I vote Ahab for the most Byronic hero to ever Byronic… Heathcliff and Rochester have nothing on him… The origin of the Byronic hero, Byron's titular character from the narrative poem Childe Harold, is literally mentioned by name in the novel and had to be a blatant inspiration - it could not be more obvious! (I have yet to encounter the famed Byronic heroes of Russian literature, most notably Eugene Onegin, a work where Byron is also blatantly name-dropped).

Everyone thinking Queequeg was dying and having a coffin made to his measurements and filled with grave goods at his direction and then him literally climbing into the coffin to test it out and then waiting silently to die…. then all of a sudden getting better and saying he chose to recover bc he remembered he had something on his to-do list….. iconic

Ishmael referring to Queequeg as "my Queequeg…" omg. Queerqueg

Queequeg drawing figures like the ones on his tattoos omg… au story where Queequeg is an artist/tattoo artist when???

I was literally saying "AWWWWW" out loud when Ahab and Pip were having their little moments

The irony of Ahab abandoning the Rachel then it coming back for Ishmael… the coffin lifeboat… etc… good stuff…

okay ahab is my man but yeah he was an asshole to the captain of rachel.

also feel bad for tashtego. he wanted that gold doubloon so bad and ahab was like SIKE, MOTHERFUCKER! umm tashtego did not get cut out of a whale by queequeg to deal with ur shit ahab!

Once again wanting a Black Sails/Moby Dick AU… I found this essay about the similarities between Flint/Ahab https://ijms.nmdl.org/article/view/22389/14361

They only have like 2-3 little moments together but like… Starbuck/Ahab kind of outdoing Ishmael/Queequeg there for a moment… chaps 132/134… oh my godddddddddddddd whyyyyyyy

Captain Ahab's moments in chapters 36/37 AAAAAHHHHH you will see me being normal about this

I noted some of my favorite Ahab moments/chapters and they are 36/37/41/70/99/108/109/113/115/116/119/125/129/132/134/135. Like I may seriously just re-read those chapters (no offense to Melville's whale facts, Stubb's jokes, & Pip's insanity)

the end is kind of similar to the great gatsby in the sense that you finally realize the entire novel was actually written for him to cope with his grief-related trauma & then suddenly it all makes sense. the lingering, the sentimentality regarding seemingly insignificant details or people, the meandering/digressing/procrastinating getting to the end, etc.

there are actually several moments -- i don't know if he actually referred to ahab or the others in past-tense specifically, but there were several moments where i felt like i kind of thought he was giving away the end before he did (it wasn't a shock to me bc i read about the end prior, but still)

[kaizenproductions]

Natsu does NOT have any previous experience with romantic love

This is the (better) Tumblr version of my post from Twitter. Given the format of this website, I'll add some details to what's already written.

Before starting with this, I want to clarify that the motivation to write this post has little to do with nalu itself (it will be mentioned to highlight a point though). Having previous romantic partners DOESN'T really make any ship invalid. You'll find the actual reason behind this essay under the cut below.

This is about how Natsu, as a character, is never presented or seen by others as someone who has experience with love and such idea is never hinted or implied anywhere in the canon material. This lack of experience explains why Lucy thinks he has no interest in it.

As we will see later, Lucy isn't the only one who thinks like this... Let's get started.

Year 2024. Why writing all this? Some weeks ago I was involved in a discussion about whether Natsu was being OOC during a filler (non canon) scene of the anime where he snaps at Lucy in a way he never does with any of his friends in canon material. The discussion led to this...

I didn't want to assume that this person was taking Lisanna as some kind of first love. At the end it turned out that was exactly what was happening. The proof? The most platonic reunion ever... with Happy reacting the same way as Natsu and comedy being included. It is important to highlight that Mashima never makes two people between whom there have been romantic feelings reunite like this, with comedy references in between that downplays the seriousness of the moment to some extent. While this post is about Natsu and his feelings, I could also mention Lisanna's reaction to this, something that proves that there wasn't even a one sided love: after noticing this Natsu is the same one from her real dimension, she doesn't start crying because of him but because of her siblings.

Let's ignore the part where this dude started calling me and some other users "retards" because that speaks volumes for itself about his lack of real arguments. After all, he has been fighting for at least 4 years with teens over power scaling, a topic he may seem to be knowledgeable about but actually isn't so much, plus he has been banned from at least one Discord server because of his r4pe threats. It seems this individual was so obsessed with that specific thing that he said Zeref did it to Mavis and that's how August was made... That also speaks volumes about his media literacy and the fact that even if it's true that he did read the manga so many times as he claimed during this discussion, he has serious problems with reading as a normal person. When it comes to the topic of this post, the problem is that he has some influence within the fandom, at least on Twitter, so whatever he says is something that many of his followers will start repeating.

What does Mashima do when Lisanna finally comes back to her original home and she gets a proper reunion with everyone?

After the initial shock from seeing Edo Lisanna in Earthland and the big reveal, this is how Natsu reacts.

This isn't a reunion that suggests that Lisanna is special compared to everyone else in the guild, and particulary to those who grew around Natsu. Also, we can't say Mashima just doesn't know how to write such scene properly... because he's written it at least once (in Rave).

The emotion you can feel in this scene, the way ONLY both lovers are on the spotlight and the rest of their friends are in the background until the end... Well, the difference is so obvious that it's ridiculous to say more. Given how well Mashima handles the emotional dimension of his characters in his mangas, the possibility that he didn't know how to depict two lovers who got separated from each for some time due to circumstances beyond their control is off the table.

Also, notice how the end of the Edolas arc depicts this.

The difference with her reunion with Natsu and the others is so obvious that there's no need to say more.

We can also discard Lisanna as a former love interest because there's no akwardness between them once she's back to the guild. They can be seen playing together and briefly interacting from time to time, so it's not like they're avoiding each other.

Is it implied somewhere that they had something beyond friendship? Not in any kind of canon material. Every time Lisanna is mentioned in regards to Natsu she's presented as a close childhood friend. We have, for example, her profile from one of the first chapters where she's back home and the information of the official magazine that was released 10 years ago.

But what if they simply stopped loving each other due to being separated, as a fellow nalu shipper told me on Discord? Making characters fall out of love is something that Mashima also references (see Macao pic a bit below). It also goes against what we saw regarding Erza and Jellal, who still had romantic feelings for each other despite their antagonistic positions for many years, or against the whole Zeref and Mavis thing. In other Mashima mangas we have more couples like this. Elsie and Justice still loved each other despite being sworn enemies, and Let still loved Julia (and vice versa) when he discovered she was alive, a kinda similar scenario to Natsu and Lisanna if they had been lovers. Given that Natsu and Lisanna weren't even enemies to each other at any point and they were only separated for two years, we can't say they had something canonically and they simply got over it with no actual reference to it.

There was a very good moment to reference past feelings in 100YQ: when Touka includes Lisanna in the group of women "around Natsu".

Instead of offering us a comment like "it's not like that anymore", Lisanna just says something that implies they're not that close. After all, Natsu is hanging out with his team most of the time since it was established.

What's the reason this fandom has been so many years discussing about this friendship? Because the first anime adaptation goes beyond that friendship and the manga omake where both of them take care of Happy's egg, something Lisanna decides to help with because she loves animals and she felt Natsu wouldn't do it properly. The first season includes several fillers that pave the way for a love triangle, presenting Lisanna as a girl who is VERY interested in marrying Natsu when they're adults. In addition, Happy is presented as their son, something that totally goes against the source material. Even if Natsu is the one who saw Happy be born and was living with him since then, Happy is never considered as his son and is always called a nakama/companion/friend.

This long thread has everything that A-1 and Satelight added in regards to Natsu and Lisanna. As we can see in the info provided in one of the first tweets, Mashima let them "edit" the story the way they wanted to and it's mentioned explicitely by both him and Ishihara (the director) that Ishihara is responsible for those additions, not Mashima. We also can't say the additions were something Mashima asked for because he couldn't include everything he wanted in his manga for some reason. This is supported by the fact that Lisanna is never presented in the manga as any kind of romantic interest after she comes back.

There's also this tweet from 2012 where Mashima replied to someone asking him whether he was involved in the story of the anime. His answer is no.

It's also important to say that these fillers aren't canon: they're not referenced in the source material (the starry key arc was, even if Mashima wasn't involved in the writing), they're not referenced in the anime itself after Lisanna comes back and they have no impact in the events of the story during and after Edolas.

Currently, thanks to Mashima's Twitter Spaces, we know two things: he revived Lisanna because some people in the anime staff liked her (Ishihara is one of them for sure), which explains why she's not very relevant and is always tied to her siblings, and he once considered to include a love triangle between Natsu, Lucy and Lisanna after Edolas, but he liked Natsu and Lucy's dynamic by then enough to not introduce such storyline. He also said Lisanna was "だめ" in regards to that triangle that never came to be, implying that she would have been the one that doesn't get the boy in that scenario.

So is Lisanna our supposed former love interest? As far as the canon material goes, no. Was she close to Natsu? Yes. Is she dear to him? Yes, just like everyone in his family, the guild, is (I can't believe I'm writing this in fking 2024). Now, what if there was someone else? The assumption that characters may have dated another (unnamed) character offscreen isn't totally crazy. After all we saw how Juvia dated Bora, even if it was a narrative tool to show that not even dates would make Juvia stop being depressed. However, we can't say there was someone else as more than a headcanon unless it's implied or mentioned somewhere explicitely. We know Macao was married but got divorced thanks to the official magazine, for example.

When it comes to Natsu, nothing is ever mentioned.

100YQ, the official FT sequel, has several pannels that go against the whole idea of Natsu being experienced with romantic love. As I mentioned at the beginning, even others from the guild, and especifically Macao in this pannel, who knows Natsu since he was a kid, have a hard time believing he's interested in love.

This part of the story includes a very interesting pannel that also debunks the whole idea that Natsu felt more than frienship for Lisanna before she was transported to Edolas.

Why would Lisanna's brother react like this over such comment if Natsu and his sister had romantic feelings in the past? Easy: because those feelings never existed.

Even Lisanna is a bit surprised when Touka expresses her interest in him.

Previous romantic experience would also mean that Natsu's relationship with Lucy would be more advanced than it is as of now, not to mention this recent scene.

Natsu is still quite dense with romance, even when it doesn't involve him, and while he talks about his and Lucy's kids they still have a long way to go due to his total inexperience in this area as of now. Someone with past love experiences wouldn't be like this. I could say more about this but this isn't the post for it so...

Conclussion: the first season of the anime did a lot of damage that resulted in many years of discussions, fights, misogyny towards both Lucy and Lisanna. There was no childhood or teen love, no jealousy from Lisanna when she saw how close Natsu and Lucy were as a team and nothing suggests that Lisanna was more than a friend in canon material. Claiming the opposite at this point of the story is useless.

[polling-sonic-fans]

I gotta be completely honest with you, I'm a little frustrated with the people who interact with this blog. I don't want to be rude, especially not to you the mod, but seeing how popular the added "unsure" and "haven't heard of this" options can be for some polls, I feel like it takes from the poll entirely. For example, the recent one about Sonic Omens. I think that anyone who doesn't have a leg in the race just shouldn't vote, and the poll isn't for them. I feel like including options for people who can't even answer the question sort of messes with the data. I only mean this as constructive criticism, not to cause harm or hate, and I hope to hear your side of it, as well as submitters who make the polls. What do you think?

This, too, is data I must learn. My thoughts are under the cut, thank you for your feedback.

Joking aside, I understand the point, but I moderately disagree.

For the past month or so this blog has been running completely on user submissions. I only edit options to add something I think is missing and will result in unnecessary distress (see: the lack of chill on the first Sonic Voice Actor Poll. Lest we forget.). I do not currently remove options; I presume people meant what they said unless they tell me otherwise.

I do understand that some polls may have a lot of people choosing the opt out option, and that could pose specific problems. I don't think I agree with your example for this: I for one had never heard of that project, so would have voted the opt out option. And while I could and possibly would just ignore that poll, there's a chance someone might just pick or guess any answer if their response is not encapsulated in the options. People are nosy. They want to know the results even if they don't know anything about the topic.

Also, you can always calculate the proportion of the votes that went to each without the cop-out option with some simple percentage calculations. So the data isn't invalidated, the sample is just smaller. That is also data: it tells you many people aren't aware of or engaged with that topic. I think that is interesting too.

Where I could see your point is on more general but difficult things. If I listed a poll like 'Who's better: Shadow or Sonic?' I expect many people would want to click the cop-out option because they really like both, and there I would lose data. Because if they were really pushed, they could probably manage an opinion, but it would be easier (and give the gratification of button pressing) if they can not think about it and choose a 'I refuse!' button.

However, even in such cases I still think it's important that I do not edit people's polls to remove catch-all options if they have listed them. For all I know, the submitter was actually interested in capturing data on how many people would refuse to answer, and would be dissappointed to have that option removed.

My final note is I have found myself feeling quite protective of my submitters, especially those I suspect are regulars. This is not a massive blog being overwhelmed with asks. I would have given up already without them, I used nearly all of my ideas to get to past the first 100 polls. So if the polls are mislisted, contain errors, or you have grievances with them: raise those with me, that's my job. Give the submitters the kudos for providing the entertainment. I am not the last person you should be rude to but the first.

I don't want to ask voters to do anything except vote honestly, even if the answer is they don't know, and share questions they like. If they could continue to refrain from starting barfights on my posts that would also be swell. But I guess enthusiasm is appreciated.

Those who've read my essay here, please do leave your thoughts on the subject in the replies - I will be reading with interest and will let it impact my own polls, if not alter the submissions. Genuinely, thank you for the ask and your interest in the data we're making here, I am pleased that you are invested and like me want good data!

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Hi, completely agree with what you said here but it makes me very sad to think about it. As someone who imprinted on Armand at 12, Marius/Armand was my first ship in VC but I find it hard to ship them post Venice era, even though Blood Communion seems to suggest some positive developments in their relationship (Marius standing behind Armand during his argument with Benedict supporting Armand being his own person iirc?). Idk I want them to work their shit out but it’s still hard to imagine them putting their differences aside sans an apocalyptic scenario like in QotD.

And sometimes idk if Marius loves Armand enough to work on it. I know that the corner of tumblr that loves Marius (And I certainly understand the appeal of a complicated and polarizing character like him. Kudos to Anne for creating Marius!) likes to push the idea that the turning of Benji and Sybelle was mostly out of love (and to a varying extent depending on the person’s pov, due to Marius’ mental health issues) but how much was that love and how much was it ‘my pet needs to have pets so that he stays alive for ME’. Not saying these 2 motivations are mutually exclusive but I’m genuinely curious about your views.

I’m rambling but guess what I’m trying to say is, how much do you think Marius’ love for Armand is unselfish, whether in Venice, at the end of TVA or after Blood Communion?

Asdghjakl yeah I have really similar feelings about them as a ship! Like the Venice era is my favorite time period in the VC but modern/present-day Marius/Armand doesn’t really hit the same way for me because it’s just such a motherfuckin mess lol.

What I do want to say, though, is that we’re kind of dancing around a topic here that involves the inhumanity and inherent monstrosity of Marius, and while I tend to think “THEY’RE VAMPIRES” is a lazy approach to analysis, there’s a deeper version of it that’s relevant here.

What I mean is that Marius can love Armand truthfully, sincerely, unselfishly and STILL cause harm, and still love him imperfectly, and still cause problems. I think when we really wanna start dissecting Marius/Armand as a ship, and the Venice era as a whole, and whatever trauma it left on Armand vs Marius’s motivations/intentions/character morals, it’s important to remember that Marius was not human. 

I think a lot about like, when we say that Armand is a “pet”, or that Denis, Daniel, Benji, and Sybelle are Armand’s pets, there’s sort of a connotation or shorthand to TLDR that it’s their cute little human. But I think about like, for example!, my fucking cats! Like, when I think about ACTUAL pets IRL, um, I would fuckin die for my cats? They’re my lil babies? I love them so fully and with my entire fucking soul but they’re dumb little animals that live in my house and I take care of them and I don’t think they have a single thought in their fucking skulls. 

So when you think about like, a 1500 year old immortal night creature adopting a little human, he can love Armand with his ENTIRE being, and I believe he really really did, and it’s still “aww the cute lil human that I feed”. And Marius is unique amongst the vampires for how hard he tries to stay connected to the human world, and it’s still never enough, he’s still never quite there, so I have always believed he had the right intentions even if he fumbled it or did things that could cause harm. It’s not like, he’s a ~MONSTER~ in a scary way, but literally, he’s so removed from humanity that he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. 

(Don’t let me get into a side essay here but it reminds me so much of like, imperfect boomer parenting, like looking at different generations’ parenting styles and realizing how much harm they caused, but most people aren’t intending to harm their children and just don’t know any better. Every generation will likely experience a form of this as we learn and grow and try to be better, but I find this really interesting for Marius specifically because of the age of the author!)

He was fifteen hundred years old when he met Armand. I think in a lot of ways he acted with good intentions that wound up causing a lot of harm. But it does a disservice to the story and to him as a character to only look at the outcome, without considering the universe he’s operating in. 

And idk like, where is the line between selfish and selfless love? Like, Marius is clearly a fucking mess at the beginning of TVA and didn’t take the news of Armand’s suicide very well. Is it selfish to do something drastic because he’s worried that Armand is still suicidal? Where does one end and the other begin? Especially with immortals like, is your own death a gift? Is it an act of kindness to save someone’s life instead of allowing them to check out? Idk idk! Grief is fucking messy, it can be both, but I don’t think it’s fair to characterize it as purely for himself. He even immediately fucks off to Norway in shame afterwards. I think I prefer to think he just wanted Armand to be happy and safe. By the end of the book they're still struggling to communicate with each other about religion, and in some ways I think Marius doesn't think Armand truly wanted to die, vs seeing a religious fit for what it is. So I'm not sure he sees Armand's suicide attempt as sincere, either, and maybe doesn't feel the need to respect his wish for death.  

I think a lot about the conversation Marius has with Armand after he turns Benji & Sybelle and realizes how bad he fucked up. 

"You loved them selflessly," he whispered. "For all their strange faults, and wild evil, they were not compromised for you. You loved them perhaps more respectfully than I... than I ever loved you." He seemed so amazed. I could only nod. I wasn't so sure he was right. My need for them had never been tested, but I didn't want to tell him so.

Even at 500 years old, Marius still doesn’t entirely understand Armand as a complete person. He doesn’t completely understand Armand’s needs, or the person he wants to be, or what his human companions were to him. I think it even starts when Armand is still alive, how Marius treats him like a silly little pet, like, Armand’s piety is a cute little quirk that Marius humors without ever truly respecting. It doesn’t occur to him that Benji & Sybelle aren’t just pets. And I think Marius being stuck in his trauma means he’s just perpetually trying to believe in himself and control everything around him, while Armand stuck in trauma means he’s constantly trying on different roles and figuring out who he is. 

(But FUCK ME, christ, “I wasn't so sure he was right. My need for them had never been tested, but I didn't want to tell him so.” this really fucks me up so bad, we have to keep talking about this another time because like, these two can NOT communicate with each other! They are useless with the barrier between them maybe they need to drink from each other more often and iron this out.)

Someone can do their best, and mean well, and still cause harm. Humans do this, too. I’m sure we’ve all been there. And Marius is a great example of vampires being stuck in the trauma of their turning—it doesn’t matter how wise he tries to be, he always comes back to the same trauma, over and over. Even the way he treats Armand in Venice is a direct result of Marius trying to fix his own trauma. And like, would therapy even work on a vampire, or are their brains stuck forever where they were? How much of their “changing” is just learning behavior, and learning to mask?

Because I think Marius 100% could do that for Armand. He loves Armand. Armand is his child. He was the first fledgling Marius ever made of his own will, after 1500 years! But I think canon left us off in a place where neither of them are quite there yet. Marius is in decent shape at the end of the series, I think—it feels like he’s made some huge strides in accepting himself and his nature, so I think there’s some potential! Armand also has to learn how to use his fuckin words a little bit better, which he’s never been good at, but I think the way he goes off on Lestat after keeping that inside for 200 years is a really great sign! 

I go back and forth about “does therapy even work on vampires” all the time, like, do they have neuroplasticity, are they capable of change, have we uncovered something in the PL Trilogy that could be a key to them functioning better and learning to change. I don’t really have an answer because canon doesn’t, it’s just a fun thing to think about, but it’s the best way that I can reconcile Marius’s intentions vs his actions, and how he somehow continues to make the same mistakes and never learns! 

Basically, I think it’s not helpful to ask if Marius loves him enough. He does! But loving someone doesn’t mean we magically know how to behave, and the qualities in Marius that cause him to behave selfishly are so deeply tied to his trauma, his control issues, his use of ego as a defense mechanism. And even in real life we can have boundaries and hold people accountable when they hurt us, even if it’s because of mental illness. We can have empathy and still have boundaries, and we can be hurt and still know when something wasn't personal. That feels kinda IRL and serious to frame vampire meta but like, Marius can love people and still fuck up, because he can’t help it, and I don’t think it’s a fair reading of the text to insist he’s a diabolical abuser because it just doesn’t really match his characterization otherwise. 

I hope he gets better! 

[charrfie]

i need to so badly know your opinions/thoughts on wilfre and sock

Unsure if this is the same dtl anon as before, but either way HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR BEING CURIOUS!!!!! I would be more than happy to share! Because the phrasing of this ask was pretty vague, I winded up writing a multiple page essay in an attempt to cover everything wilfre/sock related. So it's all under a read more. That being said, if I've not covered something you were specifically curious about, let me know. I have a million more thoughts on the two (or the whole game!) I'd be happy to share. Here's an additional drawing I made to accompany everything :^]

For those unfamiliar with the drawn to life series, please be warned MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

So, to get into it! I figured I would start with the very basics: wilfre, sock, and the rest of his forms. A lot of folks have different interpretations on the intricacies between wilfre and his disguises! I'm a believer in the fact that they *are* all the same person (in contrast to how some people believe them to be disguises created from stolen appearances/stolen bodies)... but different facets of this same person. Essentially, normal raposa wilfre was a wholly fleshed out being, and every other form he takes exaggerates various traits of his. Flanderization, I guess, but only to a certain degree. Shadow wilfre is an elevation of his more sadistic tendencies, sock is an elevation of his cowardice, and salem is an elevation of his mystery/flair for the dramatic. Granted this is a fairly barebones description of the way his forms worm since I do believe there to be more to these characters and their behaviors, but what I've said already gets my point across well enough for a generalized "what are your thoughts" type of question. Though I will say, sock's spotlight on cowardice is especially interesting to me considering- at least from what I've seen- wilfre's character being largely dictated by his own fear is not something focused on often by fans; it's much more common for you to see him just being cool and evil. We'll come back to this.

Another thing that comes from my belief of them all being the same person is that wilfre absolutely *did* design his separate forms with conscious intent (with an exception of shadow wilfre, which was likely only natural corruption of his form following his exposure to shadow). It speaks so heavily for who he is as a creative!! He likes being a little edgy and snobby- hence salem's design- and he also doesn't think too far ahead sometimes- hence sock's name, which absolutely had to be something he thought of on the spot! So many hints at who he is as an individual outside of "the antagonist" are hidden away in small details like that.

Now, with that out of the way, back to the topic of wilfre's fear!

In the first game, his sights are not set nearly as high as they are in the sequel. He chooses to spread shadow over the whole world as an effort to fix what the creator ruined; he WILL take matters into his own hands and bend the world how he pleases if it means a reality "done better." While there may have originally been truth in such a goal, his reasoning is slightly disingenuous considering it's more of a rebellion than an instance of wanting to actually better the world (due to his inability to ACTUALLY fix things how he wishes he could). Wilfre has a habit of convincing himself he's correct though, so it makes sense why it pans out this way. The writing of the first game makes it out to be a lot more malicious and pointlessly evil than dtl:tnc. Sort of always seemed flat and boring to me in how it's presented so I tend to have to embellish it a bit in my fanworks lol. It's also at this point that the fear which drives him isn't as obvious... while there are suggestions of it in dtl, it's ramped up a whole new degree in dtl:tnc. For now, most of what the player sees sets the stage for this development with wilfre's struggle against power imbalance.

At the very beginning of dtl:tnc, this framework of a power imbalance comes into play almost immediately when wilfre is spoken to directly by the creator. It's almost insulting to him considering he prayed and begged for some kind of answer for so many years, and yet only when he is far past his worst- when he is no longer devoted- now he hears them. He's livid and extremely reactionary about it! In part, this is due to justifiable anger, but I've always been lead to believe fear plays a large part here as well. His manner of speaking shifts, he hesitates; he's unsure, only for a moment before breaking out into an extravagant display of his power. Almost as if to reaffirm his control of the situation. As the game progresses, these sorts of actions increase in frequency.

Alongside these sorts of direct fear reactions popping up much more often, wilfre's shifted goal also reflects the terror which motivates him. His sights have been set on bigger things by this point: saving the world by freezing it in time and space. It's destruction is imminent if he doesnt stop those who try to return color to it. It's an action SOLELY motivated by fear of death, something he develops an almost obsessive fixation with.

Wilfre's thought process during the execution of his plan tends to follow the idea of "you can't bake a cake without breaking a few eggs," which is essentially the equivalent to "you can't save the whole world without killing or harming a couple people along the way." Even if it requires him to create a sterile, barren, unmoving world, he will do anything to prevent the physical destruction of the world... to prevent death. This is something he considers noble and just; something which makes him a savior. Realistically, freezing everything EXACTLY how it is is not much better than the world and it's inhabitants fading out of existence; it's basically the same thing! But when fear dictates logic, it doesn't need to make any sort of sense. Self preservation is the most and ONLY important thing one accounts for.

Sock, specifically, embodies wilfre's myriad of fears to a whole new level. Rather than fear being combated with a reactionary display, he cowers, hides, and acts dismissively towards a various amount of situations. I'll delve into this a bit more later in a separate point, but while some of this may be to manipulate others in the situation, it's not uncommon for wilfre to do/say something that puts on a front while masking other meaning. It's just that his typically inward thoughts tend to project themselves outwardly in this form of his!

Keep in mind that while I do believe there to be reason behind wilfre's logic and actions, that does not necessarily excuse all or even most of them. Do not misconstrue me!!! He's killed people, he's trapped people both in physical cages and in time and space, he's psychologically tortured others, the list goes on. And that's what makes him so fascinating! He's not a good guy! If you erase or excuse all of his terrible actions he becomes so much less interesting as a character and antagonist. But its undeniably interesting to look into the psychology and motivations behind his actions.

Moving on from this, it is also worth noting that I am a HUGE proponent of jowfre and it's very much so interlaced with my reading of the story/characters. Let me explain:

Sock, as a character, stands out to me a lot in how he is a major turning point for wilfre. According to his plan, the "sock" disguise SHOULD be another approach to the same issue at hand: preventing any raposa from impeding on his end goal. Disguising himself as salem was his first attempt at this... but holes were quickly poked in it's execution, and he found that prevention by force would not be successful. Instead, he then goes the opposite route; by disguising himself as sock, he can befriend jowee (who at this point has assumed the role of leader), gain the trust of others, and destroy their group from the inside. Which works! ...A little too well, he finds, as he too starts to believe his own lie of being someone who cares about jowee and his fellow raposa. And in return, he is gifted something he thought impossible in his current state: jowee's genuine friendship.

Now obviously this is a BIG DEAL. For a lot of reasons. For one, it's a hell of a lot harder to endanger the life of someone you care about than it is a random stranger who hates you (worth noting that every time this happens in the game, it becomes increasingly passive to the point that any danger isn't even coming from wilfre himself, sock just suggests that everyone leave/give up). But even less than endangering someone's life is breaking someone's spirit. If he can break jowee's determination and make the village give up on their mission, he'll succeed. And yet this is STILL something wilfre can't find it in himself to do.

I have two personal favorite examples of this that stick out to me. The first is the infamous treehouse balcony conversation... where jowee is heartbroken about the disappearance of mari. Discouraged and lost, jowee confides in sock, airing out his grievances. It's an ideal moment for sock to reaffirm jowee's broken view of himself; jowee wouldn't argue with the state he's currently in. Instead though, sock listens to him, encourages him, and comforts him. One can argue that it's a simple manipulation tactic since it's the perfect moment for wilfre to gain jowee's trust, but it's always stood out to me as something very... vulnerable. Jowee *is* the first raposa wilfre has had casual conversation with in ages anyway...... it's as if he's relishing the feeling of being able to relate and be on equal ground. The shadow has influenced his entire being, yes, but there's an undeniable glimmer of humanity in him still that yearns to escape. It's also here that we get critical insight to wilfre's inner principles when he tells a (likely fictionalized) tale and ends it with "I made a decision that- regardless of consequence- I would succeed." It speaks so much for who he is at his core and how right he believes himself to be. He's sharing BIG things with jowee rather than breaking his spirit.

The second example of this is following the first hint of mari's betrayal: when she steals the book of life from jowee. Accusations are being thrown around, faith is dwindling, and the entire village is on the brink of collapse... but when jowee comes forward with the notion of wanting to try again, to not give up... out of everyone else there, sock is the first and only to speak up. Cheering for him and encouraging him forward. Without him doing so, the mission would have failed. WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HE'S BEEN ASKING FOR!!!!!! The entire time he's been accompanying the village he has again and again (and will continue to) try to get everyone to back out of what they're doing, to split apart. But when it's served to him on a silver platter, he can't. IT'S FASCINATING!!!!!!!!

As I said though, jowee's friendship doesn't just come with one issue for wilfre, but multiple. Arguably the most egregious is the fact that it makes wilfre question if his grand plan of draining the world of all color is really right. If it's something he should even bother to do. Which must be a realization so chilling considering *he is doing so to save the whole world.* How can such a pest of a single raposa make him- the great and infallible wilfre- waiver in his confidence? This particular issue is all implication rather than direct statement; I've mentioned previously how sock gets less and less pushy as time goes on, instead vouching for generally avoidant approaches, and this is what I'm referencing here. It's downright procrastination rather than prevention!

Wilfre drags the execution of his "destroy jowee's village from the inside out" plan out for so long that he only acts when he's desperate. When there's nothing else he can do, no further thing that might delay them. He's been backed into a corner and knows jowee is far too determined to quit. And so, he drops the act. He steals heather's pendant, reveals himself as wilfre, and escapes.

I highly doubt it's intentional (and I'll get into the details on why I find this legitimate reasoning regardless of intention later), but I do find it interesting that he waits until the moment in the map room to ask for the pendant because it directly follows jowee having an outburst about wilfre and how terrible he is. Realistically, it would have been even more in sock's favor to have stolen the pendant while jowee was alone with him on one of the islands they visited. At that point, the other villagers may even have turned on jowee- their leader- out of suspicion. Better yet, sock could have stolen the pendant away while jowee slept, eliminating the need to get caught entirely. But he doesn't. It's not until he's desperate AND is directly getting reminded that the person he most cares about hates him that he acts. It's a nice callback to the aforementioned treehouse conversation the two have: regardless of consequence, regardless of losing someone he had come to care about, he would succeed in carrying out what he meant to do. And so he does. He tries to, at least.

A brief interruption from this point to speak on the writing quality of the games themselves. The drawn to life series contains two separate writing approaches: multidimensional storytelling and face value storytelling. "Multidimensional" in the sense that the writing itself mirrors a character/dictates their identity (e.g. jowee's writing reaffirming his position as someone thought of as unworthy) and "face value" in the sense that the writing tells the story in a straightforward sense with no hidden meanings (e.g. most large plot developments). It's pretty fascinating! Now, do I think this approach of dual writing systems was intentional? Well... no. Truthfully it's my opinion that the writing in the game is fairly underwhelming and not very well thought out. It's not a masterpiece by any means. But despite intent, the dual writing system is very much so at play, and one needs to approach the game being ready to actively parse through which is which.

I bring all this up to say that occasionally, the blatant multidimensional storytelling embedded in the games' writing is really just meant to be normal, face-value storytelling. Certain interactions or events seem deeper than they really are, implications come to the surface due to it, etc. And because of this, the growth of certain characters is entirely stunted. Namely due to the fact that while the player expects said character(s) to act in a certain manner due to implications previously made, this character will instead act in a wildly unexpected way because it was what the writer initially intended. And as we've established, intent does not equal correct execution. By far the worst example of this is the latter half of dtl:tnc, where wilfre tears the appearance of "sock" away with no remorse and escapes to his wasteland. After all the build-up of his blossoming relationship with jowee, his dynamic character development, and overall stakes rising, the player is suddenly brought back to a very static, unsatisfying square one... a completely out of left field 180° with character direction. I've always suspected the reason for this was that midway through the project, the script writers realized the villian had become more sympathetic of a character than one of the main protagonists (mari) and out of nowhere switched it up, cut off character arcs, etc just to ensure their original intent was preserved.. even if that ultimately led to something that felt clunky and odd.

A bit of a longwinded side tangent, but it all prefaces my next point: if the games were written with more care and without the literary biases present, wilfre would have had a redemption arc. Or at least an arc where he sees his redemption as a choice, but turns against it.

I know, I know. You can't simply see a villian character you enjoy and go "well I think they should've had a happy ending so I'm going to let AU reflect my analysis of the canon media." That's not what I'm saying here! It's not just a simple wish for better circumstances influencing my thoughts. I would have been 100% okay with an unhappy ending for him either way, if only the writing didn't handle it in a way so jarring. Because it *is* jarring though, I try to work with it by incorporating it into my analysis rather than just discarding it as unusable, disingenuous storytelling. Case in point: what I did with my jowee pmv... you GOTTA boost the drama and stretch the truth a little bit...

To wrap this very long response up, I wanted to briefly mention very minor miscellaneous thoughts I have about wilfre that didn't fit in with any other main topic I touched on:

Based on my interactions with the fandom, I've come to notice there are a LOT of people who seem to think wilfre doesn't believe in the creator. In reality, he very much so does, he just thinks they suck lol.

I think it's very cute seeing how wildly out of practice wilfre is living as a normal raposa. He's spent so long as a shadow that things which used to come so easy to him are such a chore now (e.g. in lavasteam where he breathlessly chases after jowee trying to keep up with him.. he's so used to floating he's out of practice actually carrying his bodyweight around).

I have always read drawn to life as being a story relating heavily to forced role fulfillment; a character must fill the role they are given, or the world/their own self will fall apart. Assuming you're the same anonymous asker from before, you've seen my pmv, so you know how evident jowee's forced role fulfillment (or lack thereof) is throughout the games. But wilfre is also a shining example of this narrative theme! Many of the issues that the raposa world suffers from (be it relationship disputes, societal structures, general unhappiness, etc) are oftentimes tacked on as something wilfre is somehow at fault for, however loosely. The shadow's influence leads him to lose a lot of his humanity (raposity?) on its own, but his role as the scapegoat does as well, since it warps him into more of a concept than person. This is another reason his paralyzing fear of death is so critical to get across; it returns some of the humanity and dimension to him which make him more well-rounded.

I mentioned that sock becomes more avoidant as the story progresses, but what I've neglected to mention is the fact that wilfre is generally very avoidant by nature. Despite having more power than any other thing he commands, throughout both games he incessantly tries to have the hero and others dealt with through indirect means (other bosses/shadow creatures, influencing potential allies, robbing raposa of resources, etc). It's a pretty obvious behavior that dictates his character, but is further enabled in the circumstances I elaborated on outside of these notes.

Not very wilfre-specific but moreso just general info: I do not consider the newest entry in the series of drawn to life: two realms canon in the slightest so none of my interpretations of stories or characters will ever stem from two realms events. Sorry!

Wtf is up with him being weirdly flirty with mari at the end of tnc btw. I usually just excuse it as bad writing and that sudden shift in character I talked about. Which is funny because if that character shift is indeed the writers overcompensating then that means they were worried about too much gay tension between wilfre and jowee I guess LMAO there's literally zero reason for it otherwise.. it's so ooc and out of left field. Can I just write this dude myself please.

Thank you so much for asking in the first place... I love talking about these guys!!!!! <3 If you can't tell, lol. Hope you found it interesting, I'd be happy to elaborate further if anyone's curious. Just know it might take me a little while since it took me about a week to get to this ask haha

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

chuuya ⬇️

dazai ♣️

atsushi 📒

akutagawa 💎

⬇️ What element would they bend? (Chuuya)

Oh that's a really interesting thing to think about for Chuuya especially. Canonically, he has gravity manipulation, which would lend itself to airbending (Aang's "haha, gravity" line comes to mind), but Chuuya's actual fighting techniques are completely misaligned with airbending forms, which are often light, indirect, and, well, airy. Instead, Chuuya has a very aggressive combat style that doesn't suit air or water, but could translate well for either earth or fire. In the end, I'd say earthbender Chuuya - I can envision him having tremendous levels of both power and control, and his capacity to use his surroundings as intuitively as he does in canon would be quite formidable in an earthbender. He'd also be a fair bit quicker on his feet than your average earthbender - perhaps he's learned techniques inspired by the sharper and more offense-based firebending forms. Maybe he has some lavabending capabilities too!

♣️ What's an item on their bucket list? (Dazai)

Oh... hm... this is a tricky one. See, I have very different answers depending on what age Dazai is. Is this PM Dazai or ADA Dazai? For PM, I think we actually know what was on his bucket list, and it's kind of paradoxical. What does teenage Dazai want to do before he dies? He'd probably say nothing, because he actually did want to die, or at least, didn't see the point in living. But he didn't die, because he was searching for something - a reason to live, a meaning to life. There wouldn't be anything specific, because he himself didn't know what that thing would be - so what he clung onto was the idea of finding this nebulous "reason" to keep living on, which is what actually kept him alive, though not really living.

As for ADA Dazai, I do not believe he genuinely wants to die anymore, because he's taken Oda's words to heart and is focusing more on what he does; acting and creating instead of spending his life searching. However, if asked, he would not give any kind of straight answer and would probably go on and on about finding the perfect woman to commit a double suicide with, because we know what he's like.

If you want my truly honest opinion, I still think Dazai has no long term plans for himself - when you've been suicidal for a long time or at a young age (and Dazai was, and possibly still is, both), it becomes incredibly difficult to envision a future, or even to want things you imagine you should probably want, or other people seem to want. Instead, I think Dazai's true bucket list would be very simple things that he already does in his day to day life and he would only realize he had one once his days are truly limited, like "the chance to have one last conversation with Odasaku and Ango at Bar Lupin" when he was younger, or "leave a little surprise for Kunikida just to keep him on his toes", or "switch out Chuuya's wine one last time", or even just "have a conversation with Atsushi". I think his true bucket list would really just be making sure that he has plans in place for the people he knows and has grown attached to - to make sure they keep moving forward, keep living, while also getting to spend just a few more moments with them.

📒What topic of study would they be interested in? (Atsushi)

I kind of hinted at this in my previous ask about Lucy, but I can see them both ending up in some kind of writing program, though while Lucy would go towards more of the creative side of things, I can actually see Atsushi doing more literary criticism or essay-type writings. Drawing from the real life Nakajima-sensei, I can also see him being a teacher. Atsushi is beyond grateful for the chance he has to learn and grow as a mentee, and I think he's the kind of person to want to pay that forward by teaching others - he'd be a good teacher, encouraging and kind, but rebuking any self-doubt he sees, since he knows what it's like to get mired in that. I also think Atsushi would end up being very good with kids, so I like to think he could study education and teach kids about literature.

💎Assign a gem with symbolism. (Akutagawa)

It's got to be black obsidian! Obsidian is not really a gem, but a beautiful jet black volcanic mineral glass formed from rapidly cooling lava. It's called a protector stone, acting as a shield to absorb and deflect negative energy. Obsidian is a brittle type of rock - when it fractures, it's all sharp edges, and has been used to create cutting tools and blades. It's associated with practicality, transformation and fulfillment. I feel it's very on brand for Akutagawa.

Original ask game here!